


Are You There God? It's Me, Dean Winchester (4.02)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [63]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 66 Seals (Supernatural), Apocalypse, Bible, Bobby's House, Bobby's Panic Room, Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Devil's Trap, Episode: s04e02 Are You There God? It's Me Dean Winchester, God - Freeform, Hex Bags, Hunters, Impala, Pie, Possession, Rise of the Witnesses, Ruby's Knife, Salt, Samulet, Screenplay/Script Format, Singer Salvage Yard, Vengeful Spirits, angel lore, gank, iron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 19:36:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7814485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ghostz of lil pimps Bobby couldn't save cripple his ass wit guilt n' Sam n' Dean must save his muthafuckin ass. But fuck dat shiznit yo, tha word on tha street is dat they must also ignore tha spiritz of Meg n' Agent Hendricksen, whoz ass have come back ta accuse tha brotherz of failin dem wild-ass muthafuckas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

INT-HOUSE-LIVING ROOM

A biatch be asleep on tha couch. Da TV n' lights start ta flicker n' shit. Da biatch sits up, lookin alarmed, n' when she exhalez her breath is visible. Biatch strutts ta a cold-ass lil cupboard n' starts pullin up weapons as tha beeper rings.   
  
**VOICE ON ANSWER MACHINE  
** Yo, itz Olivia. I aint in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Leave a message.  
  
OLIVIA takes up a EMF reader, which starts beepin n' flashing.  
  
**BOBBY**    
Olivia, itz Bobby. Call me back, would yo slick ass, biatch? I gots suttin' big. I could use yo' help.   
  
OLIVIA loadz a glock n' strutts round tha crib. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch hears a noise n' a thin, tall playa appears beside her n' shit. Dude is battered n' bruised. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch looks shocked.  
  
**OLIVIA**  
You!  
  
OLIVIA fires all up in tha pimp n' da ruffneck disappears. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch pulls up a ounce ta tha bounce of salt n' covers a thugged-out doorway entrizzle wit dat shit. Da pimp appears up in front of her on tha other side of tha salt line.  
  
**OLIVIA**  
I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit. I be soopa-doopa sorry bout dat bullshit.  
  
Bitch backs up n' turns around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! A blonde, beaten biatch grabs OLIVIA round tha throat, stranglin her n' shit. OLIVIA screams as tha screen goes black. 

 


	2. ACT ONE

INT. BOBBY'S HOUSE-DAY  
  
BOBBY is chillin at his fuckin lil' desk wit a pile of books up in front of his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is chillin up in a cold-ass lil chair up in tha opposite corner poppin' off ta DEAN, whoz ass is standing.  
  
**SAM**    
Well, then tell me what tha fuck else it could be.   
  
**DEAN**  
Look, all I know is I was not groped by a angel.   
  
**SAM**  
Okay, look, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Why do you be thinkin dis Castiel would lie ta you bout it?  
  
**DEAN**  
Maybe da perved-out muthafucka some kind of demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Demons lie.  
  
BOBBY looks up from his books all up in tha thugs.  
  
**SAM**  
A demon whoz immune ta salt roundz n' devilz traps... n' Rubyz knife, biatch? Dean, Lilith is scared of dat thang!  
  
**DEAN**  
Don't you be thinkin dat if angels was real, dat some hunta somewhere would have peeped one... at some point... ever?  
  
**SAM**  
Yeah. Yo ass just did, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.   
  
**DEAN**    
I be tryin ta come up wit a theory here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Okay, biatch? Work wit mah dirty ass.  
  
**SAM**  
Dean, our crazy asses gotz a theory.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah, one wit a lil less fairy dust on it, please.  
  
**SAM**  
Okay, look. I aint sayin we know fo' sure. I be just sayin dat I be thinkin we --  
  
**DEAN**  
Okay, aiiight. Thatz tha point. Us dudes don't give a fuck fo' sure, so I aint gonna believe dat dis thang be a gangbangin' freakin Angel of tha Lord cuz it say so!  
  
**BOBBY**  
Yo ass two chuckleheadz wanna keep jumpin off bout some shiznit religion, or do you wanna come take a peep this?  
  
SAM n' DEAN strutt over ta BOBBY'S desk.  
  
**BOBBY**  
I gots stackz of lore -- Biblical, pre-Biblical. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some of itz up in damn cuneiform. Well shiiiit, it all say a angel can snatch a ass from tha pit.  
  
**DEAN**  
What else, biatch?   
  
**BOBBY**  
What else, what, biatch?   
  
**DEAN**    
What else could do it?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Airlift yo' ass outta tha bangin' box, biatch? As far as I can tell, nothing.  
  
**SAM**  
Dean, dis is phat news.   
  
**DEAN**  
How?  
  
**SAM**  
Because fo' once, dis aint just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you was saved by one of tha phat muthafuckas, you know?  
  
**DEAN**  
Okay. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Say itz true. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Say there be angels. Then what, biatch? Therez a God?  
  
**BOBBY**  
At dis point, Vegas scrillaz on yeah.  
  
**DEAN**  
I don't give a fuck, muthafuckas.  
  
**SAM**  
Okay, look. I know you not all choirboy bout dis shiznit yo, but dis is becomin less n' less bout faith n' mo' n' mo' bout proof.  
  
**DEAN**  
Proof, biatch?   
  
**SAM**  
Yes yes y'all.  
  
**DEAN**  
Proof dat there be a a Dogg up there dat straight-up gives a cold-ass lil crap bout me personally, biatch? I be sorry yo, but I aint buyin dat shit.  
  
**SAM**  
Why not?  
  
**DEAN**  
Because why me son, biatch? If there be a Dogg up there, why would he give a cold-ass lil crap bout me son?  
  
**SAM**  
Dean --  
  
**DEAN**  
I mean, I've saved some people, aiiight, biatch? I figured dat made up fo' tha jackin n' tha ditchin chicks. But why do I deserve ta git saved, biatch? I be just a regular muthafucka.  
  
**SAM**  
Apparently, you a regular muthafucka thatz blingin ta tha playa upstairs.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, dat creeps me out. I mean, I don't like gettin singled up at birthdizzle parties, much less by... Dogg.  
  
**SAM**  
Okay, well, too bad, Dean, cuz I be thinkin da thug wants you ta strap on yo' jam hat.   
  
**DEAN**  
Fine. What do we know bout angels?  
  
BOBBY picks up a pile of fat n' weighty lookin books n' puts dem up in front of DEAN.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Start reading.  
  
DEAN looks all up in tha pile of books, n' turns towardz SAM.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is gonna git me some pie.  
  
DEAN grabs a funky-ass book from tha top of tha pile.  
  
EXT-DINER CAFE-DAY   
Da Impala pulls up ta a stop. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is rollin while on tha phone.  
  
**SAM**  
Yes, Dean, I be bout ta git tha chips.  
Dude. When have I eva forgotten tha pie, biatch?  
Exactly.  
  
SAM gets outta tha hoopty n' sees RUBY waiting.  
  
**SAM**  
I gots ta bounce tha fuck out.

Yeah, all right. Bye.  
  
SAM strutts over ta RUBY   
  
**SAM**  
Ruby.   
  
**RUBY**    
So, is it true?  
  
**SAM**  
Is what tha fuck true?  
  
**RUBY**  
Did a angel rescue Dean?  
  
**SAM**  
Yo ass heard.  
  
**RUBY**  
Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck aint?  
  
**SAM**  
We not 100% shizzle yo, but I be thinkin so.  
  
**RUBY**  
Okay. Bye, Sam.  
  
RUBY starts struttin away. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM grabs her arm n' turns her back ta grill his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**SAM**  
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. Whatz goin on?  
  
**RUBY**  
Sam, they angels. I be a thugged-out demon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. They're not gonna care if I be bein helpful naaahhmean, biatch? They smite first, n' then they ask thangs later.  
  
**SAM**  
What do you know bout them?  
  
**RUBY**  
Not much. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I never kicked it wit one, n' I don't straight-up wanna fo' realz. All I know is dat they scare tha holy hell outta mah dirty ass. Watch yo ass, Sam.  
  
**SAM**  
I aint scared of angels.  
  
RUBY strutts away, leavin SAM ridin' solo.  
  
  
EXT-BOBBY'S HOUSE  
  
SAM pulls up ta tha house. BOBBY approaches tha hoopty window.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Keep tha engine hustlin.  
  
**SAM**  
Why, biatch? Whatz goin on?  
  
**BOBBY**  
I gots a gangbangin' playa one state over -- Olivia Lowry. Ya Mom shoulda told ya, I been tryin ta reach her fo' three minutes on dis angel thang. It aint nuthin but not like her ta ignore dis nuff calls.  
  
**SAM**  
Olivia Lowry -- a hunter, right?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Yeah. We gonna go check on her n' shit. Yo ass muthafuckas gangbang mah dirty ass.  
  
DEAN approaches tha driverz side of tha car, as BOBBY headz ta his own car.  
  
**DEAN**  
Scoot over n' shit. Yeah.  
  
DEAN grabs tha ounce ta tha bounce of chicken SAM looted back n' looks inside dat shit.  
  
**DEAN**  
Dude, biatch?   
  
**SAM**  
Yeah?  
  
**DEAN**  
Wherez tha pie?  
  
INT OLIVIA'S HOUSE-DAY  
  
BOBBY entas tha house, armed wit a gun, followed by DEAN n' SAM whoz ass is also armed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They search fo' OLIVIA.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Olivia?  
  
They peep OLVIA dead n' covered up in blood on tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. BOBBY strutts away, outta tha room.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby?  
  
**SAM**  
(pointin ta tha doorway) Salt line.  
  
SAM n' DEAN look round tha room.  
  
**DEAN**  
(pickin up tha EMF reader) Olivia was rockin tha EMF meter.  
  
**SAM**    
(nodding) Spirit activity.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah -- on steroids. I never peeped a pimp do dis ta a person. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch.   
  
BOBBY entas tha room again, his beeper up in his hand.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby, you all right?  
  
**BOBBY**  
I called some huntas nearby...  
  
**DEAN**    
Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! We can use they help.  
  
**BOBBY**  
...except they ain't answerin they phones either.  
  
**SAM**  
Somethingz up, huh?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Yo ass think?  
  
BOBBY strutts outta tha room n' SAM n' DEAN look concerned.  
  
EXT WHITE COUNTRY HOUSE-DAY  
  
Phone rings, a answerin machine picks up.  
  
INT WHITE COUNTRY HOUSE-DAY  
  
**MALE VOICE**  
Yeah, dis is Jed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I aint around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Uh, leave a message.  
  
**DEAN (V.O.)**  
Jed, Dean Winchesta again n' again n' again -- playa of Bobby Singer's. Look, we be thinkin somethingz happening. We be thinkin itz goin' down ta hunters. Just wanna make shizzle you aiiight. Call me back.  
  
As Dean is bustin lyrics tha fuck into tha machine, we peep tha doggy den interior - blood, fucked up glass, salt thrown on tha floor, a glock lyin beside a funky-ass body, which is bloody n' has had its chest ripped out.

 


	3. ACT TWO

EXT WHITE HOUSE- NIGHT  
  
DEAN n' SAM is struttin down tha stairs, exitin tha house. DEAN is on tha phone.   
  
**DEAN**.  
We up in Jackson. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. It aint nuthin but not pretty yo. Dude looks even worse than Olivia. What bout yo slick ass?  
  
BOBBY, up in his car, driving, also on tha phone.  
  
**BOBBY**  
R.C. I checked on Carl Bates n' R.C fo' realz. Adams. Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is. They've redecorated... up in red.  
  
**DEAN**  
What tha hell is goin on here, Bobby, biatch? Why did a funky-ass bunch of pimps suddenly wanna gank off-duty hunters, biatch?   
  
**BOBBY**    
I don't give a fuck yo, but until we smoke up, you muthafuckas betta git yo' asses ta mah place.  
  
**DEAN**  
We on our way.  
  
DEAN n' SAM is driving, n' pull up ta a stop at a steez station. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da hoopty stops, n' SAM puts tha gas pump up in tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM strutts ta tha restroom while tha gas is pumping. DEAN be asleep up in tha passenger seat of tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is washin his handz up in tha bathroom, when his thugged-out lil' punk-ass breathes up his breath is visible. Da bathroom mirror covers wit foggy mist, which SAM wipes away wit his hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude is startled ta peep HENRIKSENz reflection.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Yea muthafucka, Sam. It aint nuthin but been a while.  
  
SAM flashes back ta tha last time they saw HENRIKSEN up in [3.12 Jus up in Bello](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=3.12_Jus_in_Bello).  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Yea muthafucka, muthafuckas. It aint nuthin but been a while. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, how tha fuck do we survive?  
  
**SAM**    
Henriksen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Is you -- Did you, biatch...  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
I didn't survive... if thatz what tha fuck you asking.  
  
**SAM**  
I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.   
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
I know yo ass is.  
  
SAM Look, if we'd known Lilith was comin --  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Yo ass wouldn't have left half a thugged-out dozen innocent playas up in dat five-o station ta take a thugged-out dirtnap up in yo' place. Yo ass did dis ta mah dirty ass. Dat shiznit was yo' fault. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was afta you, n' I paid tha price. Yo ass left our asses there ta die biaatch!  
  
HENRIKSEN attacks SAM, grabbin his ass hard, n' throwin his ass around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM notices a lil' small-ass brand on HENRIKSENz hand. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM is thrown against tha mirrors n' HENRIKSEN knocks SAMz head on tha sink. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM falls ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! DEAN entas n' blasts at HENRIKSEN, whose pimp disappears.  
  
INT-BOBBY'S HOUSE-NIGHT  
  
Lights flicker n' BOBBY'S breath becomes visible yo. Dude hears laughta n' strutts towardz tha noise, grabbin a iron poker from tha fireplace. Da lights flicker n' tha radio starts playin up. BOBBY peeped it as a funky-ass bizzle bounces down tha stairs. When it stops all up in tha bottom tha pimpin' muthafucka turns n' sees two lil' small-ass girls, straight-up much alike, starin at his muthafuckin ass.  
  
EXT ROAD, IMPALA-NIGHT   
  
DEAN is driving, on tha phone. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is up in tha passenger seat wit bruises on his wild lil' face.  
  
**DEAN**    
(lookin at his thugged-out lil' phone) Damn it, Bobby dawwwwg! Pick up!  
  
(to SAM) How tha fuck you feeling, huh, biatch? How tha fuck nuff fingers is I holdin up?  
  
**SAM**  
None. I be bout ta be fine, Dean.  
  
**DEAN**  
Henriksen, biatch?   
  
**SAM**  
Yep.  
  
**DEAN**  
Why, biatch? What did da thug want?  
  
**SAM**  
Revenge, 'cause we gots his ass capped.  
  
**DEAN**  
Sam.  
  
**SAM**  
Well, our phat asses did, Dean.  
  
**DEAN**  
All right. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Quit right there, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Whatever tha hell is goin on, itz goin' down ta our asses now, aiiight, biatch? I can't git ahold of Bobby, so if you not thankin lyrics, don't be thinkin at all.

INT BOBBY'S HOUSE-DAY  
  
DEAN n' SAM enta tha house, glocks cocked n' ready.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby?  
  
They find tha iron poker on tha ground.  
  
**DEAN**    
(gestures ta tha stairs) I be bout ta go. Yo ass check outside.  
  
SAM strutts all up in tha junkyard. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! BOBBY is up in a cold-ass lil hoopty wit tha two girls, whoz ass is keepin his ass on tha fuckin' down-low.  
  
**SAM**  
Bobby, biatch? Bobby?  
  
DEAN is upstairs, searching.   
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby, biatch?   
A door opens, slowly, no one is visible.  
  
**DEAN**  
Come out, come out, whoever yo ass is.  
  
A YOUNG WOMAN wit shoulder-length brown afro appears behind his muthafuckin ass. .  
  
**YOUNG WOMAN**  
Dean Winchesta n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Still so bossy. Yo ass don't recognize me son?  
  
DEAN flashes back ta MEG when dat biiiiatch was blonde n' possessed.  
  
**MEG**  
This is what tha fuck I looked like before dat demon cut off mah afro n' dressed mah crazy ass like a supa-ho.  
  
DEAN flashes back again n' again n' again ta MEG when dat biiiiatch was blonde n' possessed.  
  
**DEAN**  
Meg?  
  
**MEG**  
Yo! It aint nuthin but all gravy, I aint a thugged-out demon.

 


	4. ACT THREE

INT BOBBY'S HOUSE-DAY  
  
**MEG**  
It aint nuthin but all gravy, I aint a thugged-out demon.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is tha hoe tha demon possessed.  
  
**MEG**  
Meg Masters. Sick ta finally rap ta you when I be not, you know, chokin on mah own blood. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! (MEG holdz up her hands) It aint nuthin but all gravy. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Seriously, I be just a cold-ass lil college girl. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sorry -- was. I was struttin home one night n' gots jumped by all dis smoke. Next thang you know, I be a prisoner... (puts a hand ta her head) up in here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Now, I was awake. I had ta peep it as she murdered people.  
  
**DEAN**  
I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.  
  
**MEG**  
Oh, yeah, biatch? So sorry you had mah crazy ass thrown off a funky-ass building, biatch?   
  
**DEAN**  
Well, we thought --  
  
**MEG**  
Fuck dat shit, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped up in there beatboxin at you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? "Just help me, please!" Yo ass is supposed ta help people, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Why didn't you help me son?  
  
**DEAN**  
I be sorry as a muthafucka bout dat bullshit.  
  
**MEG**  
Quit sayin you sorry hommie!  
  
MEG slaps DEAN n' knocks his ass ta tha floor.  
  
**DEAN**  
Meg. Meg...   
  
MEG kicks DEAN.  
  
**DEAN**  
Us dudes didn't give a fuck.  
  
**MEG**  
No... Yo ass just attacked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Did yo dirty ass eva be thinkin there was a hoe up in here, biatch? No. Yo ass just charged in, slashin n' burning. Yo ass be thinkin you some kind of hero?  
  
**DEAN**  
Fuck dat shit, I don't.   
  
MEG grabs hold of DEANz jacket yo. Her hand has a funky-ass brand on dat shit.  
  
**MEG**  
Yo ass is damn right. Do you have any scam what tha fuck itz like ta be ridden fo' months by pure evil... while yo' crew has no clue what tha fuck happened ta yo slick ass?  
  
**DEAN**  
Us dudes did tha dopest we could.  
  
MEG shoves DEAN n' kicks his ass again.  
  
INT CAR-DAY   
  
Da hoes still hold BOBBY captive.  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
Is you scared, Bobby?  
  
**GIRL TWO  
** Us thugs was scared, Bobby.  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
When tha monsta came fo' us... n' grabbed our asses tight.  
  
**GIRL TWO**    
And we couldn't even scream. Yo ass was right there, Bobby.  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
Yo ass was up in tha house.  
  
**GIRL TWO  
** Yo ass was so close.  
  
SAM is outside searchin fo' Bobby yo. His breath becomes visible.   
  
**SAM**  
Bobby?  
  
**GIRL TWO  
** Yo ass could have saved us, Bobby.  
  
**SAM**  
Our thugged-out asses here, Bobby?  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
Yo ass strutted right past dat door.  
  
**GIRL TWO**  
Da monsta had our asses fo' realz. And you didn't find us.  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
And now they won't find you, biatch.

INT BOBBY'S HOUSE-UPPER FLOOR-DAY

DEAN is still on tha floor, MEG standin over his muthafuckin ass.  
  
**MEG**  
It wasn't just me, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I had a sista n' shiznit fo' realz. A lil sista n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch worshipped mah dirty ass. Yo ass know how tha fuck lil siblings are, right, biatch? How tha fuck they'll do anythang fo' you, biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch was never tha same afta I disappeared. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Biatch just... she just gots lost fo' realz. And when mah body was lyin up in tha morgue beat-up n' broken...   
  
**DEAN**  
Meg.   
  
**MEG**  
Do you know what tha fuck dat did ta her, biatch? Biatch capped her muthafuckin ass muthafucka! (kicks Dean up in tha stomach) Because of you, Dean! Because all you was thankin bout was yo' crew, yo' revenge, n' yo' demons muthafucka! 50 lyrics of Latin a lil sooner, n' I'd still be kickin dat shit, yo. My fuckin baby sista would still be kickin dat shit, yo. That blood is on yo' hands, Dean!  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is right.  
  
MEG kicks at DEAN again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. 

EXT-CAR YARD-DAY  
  
SAM spots a reflection n' works his way up a pile of rides towardz BOBBY.  
  
**SAM  
** Bobby dawwwwg! Hold on, Bobby dawwwwg! I be coming! Bobby hommie!  
  
SAM uses a cold-ass lil crowbar ta pry open tha doors ta tha hoopty where BOBBY is bein held. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da GIRLS push his ass backwardz n' he landz on another hoopty below, bleeding. One of tha GIRLS jumps on his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM uses tha crowbar ta fight her, while BOBBY do tha same wit tha other girl. Da GIRLS disappear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke.   
  
INT HOUSE-DAY  
  
DEAN is still on tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude takes up a glock n' aims it at MEG.  
  
**MEG**  
Come on, Dean, did yo' dome git french-fried up in Hell, biatch? Yo ass can't blast me wit bullets.  
  
**DEAN**  
I aint blastin you, biatch.  
  
DEAN aims his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' blasts all up in tha ceilin fo' realz. A chandelier falls n' landz on MEG.  
  
**DEAN  
** Iron.  
  
INT HOUSE  
  
DEAN, SAM n' BOBBY is up in tha study.   
  
**SAM**  
So, they all playas we know?  
  
**DEAN**  
Not just know. Muthafuckas we couldn't save. Yo, I saw suttin' on Meg. Did dat freaky freaky biatch gotz a tattoo when dat biiiiatch was kickin it?  
  
**SAM  
** I don't be thinkin so.  
  
**DEAN**  
Dat shiznit was like a-a mark on her hand -- almost like a funky-ass brand.  
  
**SAM  
** I saw a mark, too, on Henriksen.  
  
**BOBBY**  
What done did it look like?  
  
**SAM  
** Uh, paper, biatch? (takes offered paper n' starts sketchin tha mark) Thanks.  
  
SAM holdz tha drawin up fo' DEAN ta compare.  
  
**DEAN**  
Thatz dat shit.  
  
**BOBBY**  
I may have peeped dis before. We gots ta move.   
  
**SAM**  
Whoa.  
  
**BOBBY  
** Big up mah dirty ass.   
  
**SAM**  
Okay, where is we going?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Some place safe, you idiot.  
  
BOBBY picks up some books n' leadz SAM n' DEAN ta a funky-ass basement room, which is made entirely of iron n' covered wit pentagrams n' Devilz traps.   
  
**SAM**  
Bobby, is this...  
  
**BOBBY**  
Solid iron. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. All Out coated up in salt. 100% pimp-proof.  
  
**SAM**  
Yo ass built a panic room?  
  
**BOBBY**  
I had a weekend off.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby.  
  
**BOBBY**  
What?  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass is phat. Oh. (sees a posta of a swimsuit model)  
  
SAM n' DEAN is makin iron (salt?) bullets.  
  
**DEAN**  
See, dis is why I can't git behind Dogg.  
  
**SAM**  
What is you poppin' off about?  
  
**DEAN**  
If da ruffneck don't exist, fine. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Shiznitty crap happens ta phat people. Thatz how tha fuck it is. Therez no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I git it, aiiight. I can roll wit dis shit. But if he is up there, whatz wack wit him, biatch? Where tha hell is da thug while all these decent playas is gettin torn ta shreds, biatch? How tha fuck do he live wit his dirty ass, biatch? Yo ass know, why don't dat schmoooove muthafucka help?  
  
**BOBBY**  
I ain't touchin dis one wit at 10-foot pole.   
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah.   
  
**BOBBY**  
Found dat shit.  
  
**SAM**  
What?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Da symbol you saw -- tha brand on tha pimps...   
  
**SAM**  
Yeah?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Mark of tha Witness.  
  
**SAM**  
Witness, biatch? Witnizz ta what?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Da unnatural. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. None of dem took a dirt nap what tha fuck you'd call ordinary dirtnaps. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. See, these pimps -- they was forced ta rise. They raised up in agony. They was like rabid dawgs. Well shiiiit, it ain't they fault. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Someone rose dem wild-ass muthafuckas... on purpose.   
  
**SAM**  
Who?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Do I be lookin like I know, biatch? But whoever dat shiznit was used a spell so bangin it left a mark, a funky-ass brand on they souls. Whoever did dis had big-ass plans. It aint nuthin but called "the risin of tha witnesses." It figures tha fuck into a ancient prophecy.   
  
**DEAN**  
Wait, wait. What -- what tha fuck book is dat prophecy from?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Well, tha widely distributed versionz just fo' tourists, you know. But long rap short -- Revelations. This be a sign, thugs.  
**  
SAM n' DEAN**  
A sign of what, biatch?   
  
**BOBBY**  
Da apocalypse.

 


	5. ACT FOUR

INT HOUSE-PANIC ROOM 

 **DEAN**  
Apocalypse, biatch? Da apocalypse, apocalypse, biatch? Da four horsemen, pestilence, $5-a-gallon-gas apocalypse?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Thatz tha one. Da rise of tha witnesses be a -- a mile marker.  
  
**SAM**  
Okay, so, what tha fuck do our phat asses do now?  
  
**DEAN**  
Road trip. Grand Canyon, Star Trek Experience. Bunny Ranch.  
  
**BOBBY**  
First thangs first yo. How tha fuck bout we survive our playaz up there, biatch?   
  
**DEAN**  
Great fo' realz. Any scams aside from stayin up in dis room until Judgment Day?  
  
**BOBBY**  
It aint nuthin but a spell (indicates tha paper up in front of him) ta bust tha witnesses back ta rest. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Should work.  
  
**SAM**  
Should. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Great.  
  
**BOBBY**  
If I translate it erectly. I be thinkin I gots every last muthafuckin thang we need here all up in tha house.  
  
**DEAN**  
Any chizzle you gots every last muthafuckin thang we need here up in dis room?  
  
**BOBBY**  
So, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden, biatch? Spellz gots ta be cast over a open fire.   
  
**SAM**  
Da fireplace up in tha library.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Bingo.  
  
**DEAN**  
Thatz just not as appealin as a, uh, pimp-proof panic room, you know?  
  
SAM, DEAN n' BOBBY prepare ta leave tha panic room.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Cover each other n' shiznit fo' realz. And aim careful naaahhmean, biatch? Don't run outta ammo until I be done, or they'll shred you, biatch. Ready?  
  
They make they way outta tha room, n' head towardz tha stairs. A pimp sits on tha stairs, a lil' playa up in his wild lil' fuckin early 20s wit curly hair.  
  
**RONALD**  
Yo, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass remember me son?  
  
DEAN flashes back ta RONALD bein blasted up in “2.12 Nightshifter”.  
  
**RONALD (FLASHBACK)**  
All Y'all on tha floor now! Dat punk gots tha laser eyes.  
  
**DEAN**  
Ronald, huh, biatch? With tha laser eyes, biatch? I wish I could say itz phat ta peep you, biatch.   
  
**RONALD**  
I be dead cuz of you, biatch. Yo ass was supposed ta help me biaatch!  
  
BOBBY blasts at RONALD.  
  
**BOBBY**  
If you gonna blast, blast. Don't talk.  
  
SAM, DEAN n' BOBBY make they way ta tha livin room. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM creates a salt cirle n' DEAN starts tha fire.   
  
**BOBBY (to SAM)  
** Upstairs, linen closet -- red hex box. It'll be heavy.  
  
**SAM**  
Got dat shit.  
  
Da two hoes step tha fuck up in tha livin room again.  
  
**GIRL ONE**    
Bobby.  
  
DEAN blasts all up in tha hoes.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Cutlery drawer n' shit. It aint nuthin but gots a gangbangin' false bottom yo. Hemlock, opium, wormwood.  
  
**DEAN**  
Opium?  
  
**BOBBY**  
Go!  
  
Da hoes reappear as DEAN leaves fo' tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. BOBBY is drawin wit chalk on tha desk n' tries ta focus on dis while tha hoes is there.  
  
**GIRL ONE**  
Bobby. Yo ass strutted right by our asses while dat monsta ate our asses all up.  
  
**GIRL TWO**  
Yo ass could have saved us.  
  
BOBBY picks up his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' blasts all up in tha hoes.  
  
Upstairs, SAM findz tha red box up in tha cupboard.  
  
**MEG**  
Yo ass know what tha fuck straight-up pisses me off, Sam?  
  
SAM turns around, sees MEG n' fires at her muthafuckin ass.  
  
**MEG**  
Yo ass saw how tha fuck I suffered fo' months.. n' you KNOWS you must have hustled something.. n' you KNOWS I took a dirt nap fo' something.  
  
**SAM**  
Meg.  
  
**MEG**  
But what tha fuck you bustin wit dat demon, Ruby.. yo. How tha fuck nuff innocent bodies has Ruby burned all up in fo' kicks, biatch? How tha fuck nuff hoes just like me son, biatch? And you don't bust her back ta Hell, biatch? Yo ass be a monsta son!  
  
SAM raises his bangin rifle n' blasts MEG.  
  
DEAN is up in tha kitchen lookin fo' tha false bottom up in tha drawer n' shit. Da doors ta tha kitchen close suddenly.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Dean?  
  
**DEAN**  
I be all right, Bobby dawwwwg! Keep working!  
  
HENRIKSEN appears next ta DEAN.  
  
**DEAN**  
Victor.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Dean.  
  
**DEAN**  
I know.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
No. Yo ass don't.  
  
**DEAN**  
It aint nuthin but mah fault you dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I left you behind. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And tha minute I heard bout dat explosion, I thought, "I should have known." I should have protected you, biatch.  
  
DEAN reaches fo' a glock behind his ass yo, but it goes flyin across tha room.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Unh-unh. Not so fast. Yo ass be thinkin you left n' Lilith came n' we all took a dirt nap up in a funky-ass dope blast of... white light, biatch? If only. 45 minutes.  
  
**DEAN**  
What?  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Over 45 minutes. Lilith holla'd dat biiiiatch wanted ta have some fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da secretary was first. Remember her, biatch? Nancy, tha virgin. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Lilith filleted Nancyz skin off piece by piece. Right up in front of us, made our asses watch. Nancy never stopped screaming.   
  
**DEAN**  
No.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
I was tha last.  
  
**DEAN**  
Victor...  
  
HENRIKSEN reaches inside DEANz chest n' grips his thugged-out ass.  
  
**HENRIKSEN**  
Tell me how tha fuck itz fair. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Yo ass git saved from Hell -- I take a thugged-out dirt nap. Why do you deserve another chance, Dean, biatch?   
  
SAM entas n' blasts HENRIKSEN, rushin ta check on DEAN as soon as HENRIKSEN is gone.  
  
**SAM**  
Y'all right?  
  
**DEAN**  
No.  
  
**SAM**  
Letz go.  
  
SAM helps DEAN up n' he n' DEAN carry tha hex box n' other ingredients ta tha library.  
  
RONALD appears again n' again n' again as DEAN is reloadin his wild lil' freakadelic gun.  
  
**DEAN**  
Ronald. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo, come on, man.. n' you KNOWS we was pals.  
  
**RONALD**  
Thatz when I was breathing. Now I'ma smoke you kickin it.  
  
**DEAN**    
Well...come on, I aint a cold-ass lil cheeseburger.  
  
DEAN cocks his wild lil' freakadelic glock n' points it at RONALD yo, but RONALD has vanished. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! BOBBY recites some Latin lyrics n' tha windows blow open n' a wind fills tha room. Da wind moves tha salt so they is no longer protected by dat shit. MEG appears n' SAM quickly blasts at her, as BOBBY continues ta recite tha spell. RONALD appears n' they blast at his muthafuckin ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN continue ta fire as tha pimps step tha fuck up yo. HENRIKSEN knocks DEAN'S glock outta his handz when he is reloading, n' approaches his muthafuckin ass. DEAN grabs another gun, n' blasts it, only ta find it empty yo. Dude quickly picks up a iron rod n' hits at HENRIKSEN. MEG appears n' pushes SAM against tha wall, trappin his ass there wit a thugged-out desk. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM tries ta push tha desk away without success.  
  
**DEAN**  
Sam!  
  
**SAM**  
Cover Bobby hommie!  
  
BOBBY continues ta recite tha spell n' SAM keeps tryin ta git up from behind tha desk. Da two GIRLS is chillin on tha desk waiting. MEG plunges a hand tha fuck into BOBBYz back. BOBBY drops tha bowl wit spell ingredients.  
  
**BOBBY**  
Dean! (DEAN catches tha bowl) Fireplace biaatch!  
  
DEAN throws tha bowl up in tha fire, which turns blue. Da pimps all disappear. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. BOBBY falls ta tha ground. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!   
  
**DEAN**  
Bobby?  
  
SAM pushes tha desk away, freein his dirty ass.  
  
DEAN n' SAM help BOBBY up yo. Dude nods, indicatin he be all gravy.


	6. ACT FIVE

INT BOBBY'S HOUSE-NIGHT  
  
SAM be asleep on tha couch. Dean be asleep on tha floor nearby n' wakes up ta find CASTIEL standin up in tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. DEAN checks on SAM, sees he be asleep, n' strutts over ta join CASTIEL.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Excellent thang wit tha witnesses.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yo ass was hip ta all this?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I was, uh, made aware.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well, props a shitload fo' tha angelic assistance. Yo ass know, I almost gots mah ass ripped outta mah chest.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
But you didn't.  
  
**DEAN**  
I thought angels was supposed ta be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- you know, Mike Landon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Not dicks.  
  
**CASTIEL**    
Read tha Bizzle fo' realz. Angels is warriorz of Dogg. I be a soldier.  
  
**DEAN**  
Yeah, biatch? Then, why didn't you fight?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I aint here ta perch on yo' shoulder n' shit. Our thugged-out asses had larger concerns.  
  
**DEAN**  
Concerns, biatch? There was playas gettin torn ta shredz down here biaaatch! And, by tha way, while all dis is goin on, where tha hell is yo' boss, huh, if there be a God?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Therez a Dogg.  
  
**DEAN**  
I aint convinced. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! 'Cause if there be a a God, what tha fuck tha hell is da thug waitin for, huh, biatch? Genocide, biatch? Monstas roamin tha earth, biatch? Da freakin apocalypse, biatch? At what tha fuck point do he lift a thugged-out damn finger n' help tha skanky bastardz dat is stuck down here?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Da Lord works...  
  
**DEAN**  
If you say "mysterious ways," so help me, I'ma kick yo' ass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, Bobby was right... bout tha witnesses. This is some kind of a... sign of tha apocalypse.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Thatz why our crazy asses here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Big thangs afoot.  
  
**DEAN**  
Do I wanna know what tha fuck kind of thangs?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
I sincerely doubt it yo, but you need ta know. Da risin of tha witnesses is one of tha 66 seals.  
  
**DEAN**  
Okay. I be guessin thatz not a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass show at Seaworld.  
  
**CASTIEL**    
Those seals is bein fucked up by Lilith.  
  
**DEAN**  
Bitch did tha spell. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch rose tha witnesses.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Mm-hmm fo' realz. And not just here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. 20 other huntas is dead as fuckin fried chicken.  
  
**DEAN**  
Of course. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Biatch picked suckas dat tha huntas couldn't save so dat they would barrel right afta us.  
  
**CASTIEL**    
Lilith has a cold-ass lil certain sense of humor.  
  
**DEAN**    
Well, we put dem spirits back ta rest.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
It don't matter n' shit. Da seal was broken.  
  
**DEAN**  
Why break tha seal anyway?  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Yo ass be thinkin of tha seals as locks on a thugged-out door.  
  
**DEAN**  
Okay. Last one opens and...  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Lucifer strutts free.  
  
DEAN Lucifer, biatch? But I thought Lucifer was just a rap they holla'd at at demon Sundizzle school. Therez no such thang.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Three minutes ago, you thought there was no such thang as mah dirty ass. Why do you be thinkin our crazy asses here struttin among you now fo' tha last time up in 2,000 years?  
  
**DEAN**  
To stop Lucifer.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
Thatz why we've arrived.  
  
**DEAN**  
Well... bang-up thang so far. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Stellar work wit tha witnesses. Thatz sick.  
  
**CASTIEL**  
We tried. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! And there be other battles, other seals. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one our slick asses lost. Our numbers aint unlimited. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Six of mah brothers took a dirt nap up in tha field dis week. Yo ass be thinkin tha armiez of Heaven should just follow you around, biatch? Therez a funky-ass bigger picture here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Yo ass should show me some respect. I dragged you outta Hell. I can throw you back in.  
  
CASTIEL vanishes, leavin DEAN ridin' solo up in tha kitchen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Lata DEAN wakes up. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM be already awake n' up n' about.  
  
**SAM**  
Y'all right, biatch? Whatz wrong, Dean?  
  
**DEAN**  
So... Yo ass gots no problem believin in... Dogg n' Angels?  
  
**SAM**  
Fuck dat shit, not straight-up.  
  
**DEAN**  
So, I guess dat means dat you believe up in tha Devil.  
  
**SAM**  
Why is you askin me all this?


End file.
